Let's go for it !!

In 2004 I finally had enough! My husband took off and went to Nebraska and left me home with the 2 miniature horses, burro, Sam (big horse), dogs, and cats. He went to his son's (my step-son) for 3 days. We have not been able to go on vacation since we got the miniature horses. I pointed that out to him when he bought them... but that did not matter to him at the time. He could not have gone if he did not left me at home to take care of the animals.

While he was gone we had a storm. Around midnight I sat in this double wide with the wind blowing 100 miles an hour. It was hailing so hard that it actually put holes in our guttering for the first time in 22 years. The hail was hitting so hard that I thought it was going to break every window!! When the wind blows a double wide the house kind of shakes. The car was not in the garage and I could not move it in the garage. How it was not hail damaged had to have been a work of God. Many times the electric goes off with weather like that. He should have come home that night but he stayed one night longer.

Needless to say I was pretty upset!! We went to eat at a local cafe the evening that he got home. As we were sitting there we were both giving each other looks that could kill each other!! He had his way and now things were to continue as before. The next day our son called me and said that his dad had come to see him and told him that he was thinking about getting a divorce!! My son thought it was funny and said he was trying to talk his dad out of getting a divorce. Here is a man that I caught with another woman when my son was 3 years old and he is going to divorce me.

My husband was in his recliner sitting smug and stubborn... both of us still angry! When my son called me and told me that.. it was just too much! I went into the living room and I told him what our son said. His answer was... "Yes, I am thinking about it!" My answer to him knocked him for a loop. I told him... "Let's go for it! I am sick of this relationship! We will have an auction sale and split everything down the middle." His answer was that he was not going to have an auction sale because he worked his butt off for everything around here. I told him that I had worked too, not just him. He said he was not leaving! I asked him what he thought he was going to do... just sit here and keep everything?? I told him that in the state of Kansas a woman gets half... and while I was at it I would take half of his retirement also! He did not like that either because he was not going to leave and I could get the divorce. Then I told him... "Okay, I will tell you what we will do. We will both live here. You can have your horses and I can have my dogs. You can come and go as you please and do what ever you want to do. I will also come and go as I please. We can live as room mates because that is the way we are living now!" He did not like the idea of me coming and going as I well pleased. He then started telling me that he always wanted me to go with him and etc. (Shaking my head.)

My husband has changed since that day. I really do believe that if I had let him walk the first time he pulled that... life would have been better for us... or apart. Trusting in the Lord to take care of my tomorrows. Because of the situations that I have lived through in my life; they have taught me to have strength. My strength comes from the Lord. Trusting Him.. not myself or others. Letting Him lead and guide me through life trials. What ever the Lord brings me too... He will lead me through.

All the trials that I have gone through in my marriage was worth it all. I have a 32 year old son that is a minister. All of my children and grandchildren are Christians. What more could I ask for in life. Life here is just a moment compared to Eternity.

Trusting the Lord

It took me ever so long to FULLY trust the Lord. Is it that just being human makes us want to be in total control of our life?? Giving up that control is hard to do. We think that the decisions that we make will make a difference with the inevitable. When I first married my husband he was constantly threatening to pack his clothes and leave. It worked for him because I would beg him not to leave. Not realizing it for a long time... he was a controller. He did things like that to get his way. He did a lot of pouting and fit throwing through out our marriage. It was either his way... or the highway. After about 10 years my thoughts were... you may as well leave now as do it when you are 50 years old. Even though I said that to myself... I still did not give God total control of my life. I was still trying to solve my own problems.

Sin nature

We are all born with a sin nature. If it was not true we would not have to correct young children. A good example is like walking into the bedroom of a 3 year old and they have colored on their wall. When you ask them who did that... they blame it on their 9 year old brother! I feel like we are all born with the knowledge of right and wrong. There are some that does not have a conscience. I know when I do something wrong; but sometimes I have pushed my conscience aside. Not a good thing.

Visited with my daughter

I went into Wichita today and met my daughter. We went to Walgreen's, garage sales, and ate lunch. We had a good time visiting. I forgot all about the walk for cancer!! My husband called me at 15 till 6 and asked where I was. I told him I was at Web and 54. He said he was going on to the school. I told him I would feed the dogs and then be up there.

I bought 5 raffle tickets and won a shirt within 15 minutes!! I just gave them all the money I had in my wallet $12 and bought more raffle tickets. I am not usually that lucky. I told them I was getting ready to leave. She said just put my phone number on the back. It is for a good cause.

I am really tired tonight but yet here I sit on the computer! Bill my step-dad did not call and let us know if he made it to Mo. I guess he did. Sometimes I call him but didn't this time. I have no idea when he will be coming home. My husband got my step-dad's lawn mowed, yard trimmed, and spread that dirt though out the yard. He said there was a lot of trash in that dirt. My step-dad can do some of the most stupid things at times. He does a lot of things just to get attention from the neighbors. I guess everyone does things like that when they get older??

Walk for cancer this evening

We went to the walk for cancer at the local high school this evening. My son and his wife were volunteers. There was a lot of people there from our church. There was a tent for the church and a tent for the drug store where my daughter-in-law works. We had a good time. I am stuffed from eating brownies and pumpkin bread. BJ went with my husband to put the miniature horses up and let the dogs out. It was 11 p.m. by the time we got home. It is going to last from 7 p.m. until 7 a.m. in the morning. Our son and daughter-in-law will be exhausted. He will have to study for his sermon Sunday morning. James had his dad help him today set up. I can not believe the things that we have from garage sales and auctions!!! We had one of those tent things, 4 metal real state signs to put up their signs, coolers, lawn chairs, and a sign that goes on and off that says... Walk & Don't Walk. He gave the sign to them. Tiffany wanted it. They like unusual things. lol

I had a lady stop and talk to me and I did not know who she was?? That is so embarrassing!! I asked Tiffany who she might be and I found out who she was. She had asked me to sing at the White Eagle Fest and then at the walk for cancer 4 years ago. So many people know me and I do not know them. It is from singing at different places.

Hard for me to learn

We went to church yesterday evening. Our son was going through Matthew. He showed part of a film first and then went through scriptures. It was about Jesus talking about things going into our mouth. He said it was not what went into our mouth but what came out of it.

Seems like I am forever working on what I say. I can say something and some people misunderstand me?? I guess the expressions on my face confuses some also... so I have been told. Just the way I am. I seem to be able to read people so I must be studying them when I look at them. Gets me into a lot of trouble. Not really something that is good all the time. It helps me when dealing with people and knowing if someone likes me or not... but not everyone sees what I see. I have to keep still and just wait and see if I am correct. It is so easy to judge others. We should really try to see others just like they see us. What do others see about me.

I am so tired tonight. Am a night person and really wish I was a day person.

Father, help me to be what You want me to be and do what You want me to do.
Amen

Mentally drained

My step-dad stayed in the hospital for 2 weeks. I was there twice a day. Two 60 mile trips a day. Then he went into the nursing home for another 2 weeks. I was there 2 times a day also. Within 1 month I lost 8 pounds. It is hard for me to loose weight. I was so stressed and my blood pressure started going up. The Lord has taught me a lot through my step-dad. I finally had to just let go of things to be able to be healthy myself. He was stressing me out something terrible.

There were a lot of other things that I had to let go of also. How my mother passed away and what caused it. My daughter told the hospital that they could do an autopsy but my step-dad was saying no! In not a very nice way. There are things that I wonder about; but have let go of them. Yesterday is gone and I can not change anything.

I knew what he was thinking when my mother passed away. He thought that he could start life over again. He had been secretly calling his daughter and even talking to his ex-wife a year and half before my mother passed away. He was calling her with a calling card. His daughter had not talked to him for years and did not call him dad. She even told him that he was not her dad... her step-dad was. He ended up with $27,000 missing. His daughter called him and said she wanted money for a new house. She told him if she didn't get the money that she would never talk to him again. This was after he made a trip to see her in Washington D.C. I am proud to say that I do not owe my step-dad anything. In fact he owes me. I like it that way. I am just not a greedy person.

He told me one time that he would let me sign my mother's name on the deed of the house so he could sell it. I don't think so!!! I could care less about the house or anything that is in the house. I don't owe him anything and he does not owe me anything. I did get upset because he would not let me have my mother's boots. He wanted to give them to his niece; no relation to my mother. He finally said I could have them. I did not want the boots after he got mad because I was going to take them. They are still in the closet in the box that they came in. I have not taken one thing from the house. He told me this year that he wanted to put the house in my name too. I told him the truth... there is no way that I will pay the payment of over $500 a month and then his daughter walk in and take half. She can pay the payments. What ever happens just happens.